《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
4 i# [* X4 p1 I  j***********5 z0 q, f6 [2 `- \- h9 f
1．
% j7 p; w" |, |; {影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。' ]5 I; H9 `, g! W6 F
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 d! _2 x. s1 o' J. qHolmes: I just picked it up.+ B. e0 }! Z) s9 ]
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）+ V- r4 |  L  C; G& _6 f1 z
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
! R7 l  l7 k' L! N; zWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! Z4 V) a( D( W* R- OHolmes: You did.! j! i" z$ G3 K& r
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）6 e- T2 `- O. z' _& ~
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
9 }' A+ P# Z: m4 v, `$ x" |. Z2．" z! V6 C! G! t2 R: @. m
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
# t+ |! {: p# W* z9 a  ]# KWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
- z9 W* w* A. t# LHolmes: Granted.4 X8 t; p/ f3 x- `. z2 |2 \
3.
3 ?5 n, F& ~" i( r/ q3 c晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。% W. ?9 [6 r0 u  N
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）# d6 W9 s3 L4 s7 l$ E2 s
4．5 _! U& F, T4 C5 y
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
. {) U6 [. [. s( x6 c5．% [/ y. I9 x4 S" w, h, w6 c/ M
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
7 l! ]; i( J6 X) zWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
. y/ `2 V5 P2 @7 k# \6．
( P1 l0 [+ e/ ?Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。! h( \8 p  ^4 j3 L
7．
2 e0 H4 _) \; L: dBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。  f# X* Z; s( r% B7 |! g1 y0 E
8．
8 l3 c  N, U! l9 ?/ ?Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% f6 i/ W& V7 l# r# d
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
! S; }' g' N$ X/ f( v( ]( S4 W- O" }4 cIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 }7 H# r( A9 V  s+ NHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
1 }3 H: r3 h4 r/ s* VIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
' D* q; }9 M7 K8 ?& H# l1 I# r& Q9．
% ^; T& u# N0 A' t! \* ~# sIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
& X( Z& N/ W; jHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）6 Z4 Q$ V  |  y' v) O- l" j4 K7 a2 E
Watson: Get that out of my face.
& ]( _1 T* M% ^& ^, C' NHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.4 r% d5 ^4 ]0 z/ P
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.5 i( q& v9 J. \( S; x! Y7 ?
路人警官Clarky上场。0 L& _3 A7 x, o
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.6 l# Z) V+ X$ f: d: U3 k9 n9 V1 y
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
9 ?5 h6 T5 ^7 h. u得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。& O$ i7 Z6 u( |, v" P" [
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
' N2 P" S2 K' q3 \3 Z7 LHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
/ f8 ?, x7 w4 O: y10.0 \0 j/ i5 L) `- S) g6 d
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( f2 v' ]& I) }* C! E) w/ D
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）! d$ }# w) K/ V/ `8 \; G
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.- `+ Q1 |/ j$ k* ?
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
' R/ I$ Y! ]" F' b11．0 |0 L* ~8 e1 ?' p3 h- B& }5 A
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
6 e0 i6 }# n" V* `Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）# R; C- z( f: x2 m) A9 m
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! P" E& s2 |8 t2 G$ d! C6 gWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ X2 V' V& E! r) Z
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。- e6 S' }6 v+ R; L: p6 \2 R: Z# v
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
; W* L& v5 ~2 G# g. {1 p  I后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
" d, c3 Q" h% i! [9 f  q# ?1 MHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
7 |( a* I3 v* e1 R7 w) j12．
6 _+ K) Z: j1 b% @9 D" i警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。# B4 B0 O% ?# x: R& e+ h+ D5 E
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.% ?+ W( H* I/ e9 ~
13.
1 q- O( t( C# j* l9 L接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 T; G+ M- {0 p话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( c( A: L  W: j  |, f
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）$ Z# A6 `* A: r* V
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
" a1 i" r# m  I, [( HHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
5 q# X: T+ y( X9 G; MMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?" ^6 W7 ~) f/ o2 X& X
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）2 M- E, }5 Q" o) P4 }
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* f8 `& p/ h8 I+ HWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）% r7 z- N* ?0 h5 r# ^$ b& X
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
' u5 E: x" p8 J8 c6 y' IWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
1 g2 e; ^# x2 o! z. ^# @Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）0 o' p/ s) S5 \9 ~
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）3 h% C3 M( E" w) Z6 R8 F- B- a
***********
. j2 P' _( e, T4 V$ P. i8 w总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……