《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。$ s6 A* W5 G0 V3 M. x" ]* K
***********! f% f* ?# c, r0 v* U( `
1．+ K+ s* n; v( }: c* d
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
' F  Q- F$ X. u9 ^& cWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）6 k) q3 J8 O0 J( H: N5 S% M- C
Holmes: I just picked it up.6 G. ^; e9 J2 t, t3 ^! K8 G" n, a9 I
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 Q, O! g  H* y( c% oHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
. M9 Y1 J: f- c* h8 a: |% {' \Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）" G7 m2 [- N( R
Holmes: You did.& M3 i0 w& Z4 O) m. Z* D
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
% M1 @9 M4 S8 E# r8 XHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
- O; c# P) H  x# K" K! ]) R, ?2．. r5 f, {; \3 i5 d
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
% K  w1 P+ Y$ c/ i2 J4 p. h7 eWatson: Permission to enter the armory.+ {7 h) }# s/ Z% H$ r1 H
Holmes: Granted.5 s; m; {& h8 P
3.
& G$ d2 X2 i, J/ l% P晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
( G9 Y) i* Q6 {Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
. `  L2 j4 |* m: M6 z; X4．, W6 j0 f" r$ V- [0 {" s0 R
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# P! Y" N" {0 p& V; |7 ^
5．  B7 a3 ^6 T9 N" f
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
  ?/ q- P$ `: ]+ b) yWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）& R& q2 K4 x3 h! j! q
6．: Q9 h1 O8 |+ J3 a4 A- t7 _: m/ ]  K
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。1 S' V9 v$ u3 g3 s: F
7．
& n; J) ]: Q5 l7 A9 w$ T* Y& o- W# T* SBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
( m' r) h0 x) l& x! d8．' R9 d4 t( y) x; Q4 c" G+ \  r) j2 T6 S
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
7 f# R7 _$ L5 q7 h2 ~6 J（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）' a0 I9 e  T* {* y9 a$ E8 m
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?# C$ I8 x+ _. l: X
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）$ P, ~+ F2 m7 I% l2 X9 C  J
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.2 V; h3 b+ Z8 Y0 g* Z6 Q
9．
$ h/ O7 i; S6 AIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。7 g0 j2 [/ f! Q8 Y$ |1 |: ^) I% I
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
5 [6 F" \1 Q+ ?Watson: Get that out of my face.8 L5 x; i5 K: \( K( s( O) j0 }
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
, O" p. f, C% ?% B* Z5 a+ AWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.' r( e5 x8 W. L- Q& r+ w0 W& ]
路人警官Clarky上场。( H! b+ h" @$ Y) n
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
6 I9 H$ p8 s4 ?0 X  g2 O2 \* V, `1 UHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
2 J: S) j# W1 o- D得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
) b7 b1 b) F0 d3 \Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?2 X. h/ M9 c* N7 l$ a4 Z! k
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.: h7 Z/ n( o4 y9 ^
10.: t- `& B. o7 V4 c; A
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
+ w( P1 L' y% @& ^（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）5 }4 B: U2 T, L. s! e# `9 i
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., q' |1 r( M1 ^2 E
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）: Q; Z$ U4 a4 T$ C9 n
11．
8 ]: m9 M8 K3 }7 w( r. p  p河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
" O5 ^; r& w, R( p; OHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
, n9 s: t) c7 a: a" LBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…1 @: @) J$ F7 C2 v+ p
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
; o* l) v% m9 m$ v% C# P死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
' @. O% P+ T$ V9 T& DHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）$ r" W( ~- V$ ]7 i  n  T/ c2 F
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。- F& o+ G, C+ O) c3 q- b
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）4 n0 _, O- x7 ^
12．
6 m# b% h3 G" \警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
0 }. a/ W3 g! i. _0 Y8 N) t5 wLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 U: W( m8 [: {* y( O! t" F9 J, b: ~
13.
! u. @! {% Q/ K3 \% U  \' @' A接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。; h. Q5 V$ g) e! ^2 Q* J4 X
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
( z; A; p' f+ R, KHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
. s- ?: R- K' Q% E! o6 q& ?Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 t. l! U! E) ?
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( E2 Y3 U% |0 ~) y% w% @: D6 R* C
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
7 B& Z. M% t0 p+ z5 TWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）  w5 H$ y3 P6 X. M5 e
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% T7 P+ Q1 l2 I- R/ w* U2 C
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）8 k2 w0 P) F& w0 k9 M! r
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）8 o) Y( X/ o6 R9 C2 C0 C; t
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; w& e, f% @( ?- `6 \5 NMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
% v5 O1 f# ]9 b0 ]" ?. ?（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
3 t/ m8 H8 {2 X2 l5 S***********
5 s) [$ w9 W2 i/ J8 O: _  w8 v总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……